MUSINGS FROM THE WOODS

It has been raining here for days. Not the usual misting we get in the NW but heavy rains combined with wind which makes me want to stay inside by the fire. Today though, I awoke to beautiful sunshine. I was quite mystified by this because late last night it was stormy. There are woods in the back of our home-the very reason we chose this lot to build on. As I watched the woods I realized something about my life. In our woods there are two types of trees: the evergreen variety and the deciduous variety. Working in a nursery, I of course, know the difference (probably all of YOU know the difference not because you work in a nursery but because YOU paid attention during your high school biology class). Looking at the trees, noticing the vast differences in the two, I came to the disappointing conclusion that I am a deciduous tree and not an evergreen.

The evergreens have the joy of staying green all the time. No matter how cold or hot it gets they just keep on being green. In the spring they display lighter green foliage of new growth which can be almost imperceptible unless you are looking for it. They are steady. Constant. Boring. The decisuous tree is not like that. They burst into spring with new growth of varying colors. They seemingly come to life and are noticed by all (except perhaps teenagers who notice nothing except themselves). Every year people comment on them and their beauty as though they hadn't seen it before. However, as I look in our woods today, it is a different story. The trees that were beautiful last spring; that captivated my attention this fall when the colors changed, now look bleak. Lifeless. Dead. Around these trees, on the ground, lie the remains of what had been new life. Dead, decaying leaves. Leaves which we quickly rake from our grass because if allowed to rest there they will kill the green lawns we meticulously manicure in the summer. Hmm.

The deciduous trees look dead to me. In the winter I want to yank them out of the ground because they look horrible compared to the constant color of the evergreens. There are a few trees that have a leaf or two still clinging to their lifeless branches. For whatever reason the trees refuse to let these dead leaves drop. It is as though they are trying to hold on to some semblance of life, pretending they are like the evergreen but looking, for all to see, like a pathetic picture of one who holds on to the dead things of the past. As trite as it may sound I feel like those trees.

I can honestly say I would not want to be an evergreen. That life seems mundane to me. I like the changing and the newness and the differing colors. I don't however like the deadness of this winter. I feel something close to hopeless that the spring will ever return (even though it does every year). I can't seem to remember the vision that the decaying leaves around me used to hold. The vision that was once so vibrant, so passionate is now lost to me; lying dormant on the ground of my soul. My only postive thought this morning is that the leaves decaying on the ground in my woods will, by their very act of decomposition, provide rich nutrients for the soil around the trees they once graced with their beauty. I don't understand that process. How can something decayed and rotten actually nourish and fertilize something living. My great friend Monika talked to me about the death process in the fall when all the trees were changing but I wasn't ready to notice it then. I couldn't make myself look and ponder. I can't seem to comprehend the "decomposition brings fertilization" process. Maybe I'm not meant to.

I don't have a sweet analogy to end with so anyone reading can log off with a sweet sigh of pleasure. No, I'm afraid the nature of today's musing is unresolved; like a song that ends with a minor chord. I'm left wanting for more this morning. Or perhaps wanting for different. I so dislike unresolved anything but that's what I have; what I am, at this point in my journey. So, here I will stay (as if I have a choice) and here I will wait for the process of my creator to unfold.

WHAT ITS ALL ABOUT

So, I've never had a blog before...truth be told I didn't even know what a blog was until several months ago. My hope is to use this as a cathartic outlet for my inner thoughts. It's mostly for me but also for those I am connected to; those I want to regularly engage with. I have been accused on so many occasions of not answering my phone(s) and not listening to messages and not returning calls...all true by the way. So, I'm thinking that if I can keep up with this whole blogging thing then the people who call me to see how I'm doing or what's going on (Monika, my mother, Angel, Janet, my mother, Monika...) can avoid the frustration of the lack of connection by simply logging on and reading. It's very convenient that they can also leave comments for me and I would caution right at the start that nasty comments will be deleted immediatly because I have the power to do that!

So, wish me success-heck, pray and fast for success if you'd like, and hopefully this will be a wonderful experience for all concerned.

Peace!

Cool People I Live With

Here's a little about the cool people I get to live with...in no particular order becuase I couldn't actually figure out how to arrange them in the order I wanted to...


This is our Australian Labradoodle, Tegan. He has become my constant companion this last year. As I've said to my husband, I've always wanted a man who would follow me around and worship the ground I walk on; now I have Tegan, who does just that! Tegan loves to pretend he's human, enjoys the wind blowing in his face and entertains us with his neurotic habits (drinking out of water bottles...thanks Garrison, barking and jumping at dogs on the TV and stealing Anna's underwear from her room.

This is Spencer, our youngest child. He's in fifth grade, is very kind-hearted and sensitive and loves animals-especially his two bunnies Ranger and Riley. Spence is all about two things: playing x-box and playing war with his friends. His prized possession is his Dad's Army Ranger Coin and he is responsible for 3/4 of our hot water usage due to his LONG showers (pick up the towels would ya dude?!).

This is Garrison our almost 15 year old son. He's a handsome, buff dude who lives to make HUGE hits on the football field and also competes in wrestling. He's very smart, amazingly articulate and loves to leave his stuff (dirty towels, boxers, dishes...you name it, he leaves it) everywhere. Garrison and I enjoy watching football together and having spontaneous coffee dates at Starbucks.

My husband of 23 years, Doug, is pictured here at a Seahawks game. We met at Western Washington University, married a year later in Tacoma, moved to Nebraska for 15 years and have been living in the Pacific Northwest for the past six years. He's a Physician Assistant at Tumwater Family Practice and the team PA for Black Hills High School. Some of the things we enjoy doing together are: going to plays, having friends over and working in the garden.

Anna is a new addition to our family; I refer to her as my daughter from a different mother. Oddly enough she looks more like one of my children than my actual kids! She's 25, a Chaplain at Evergreen Christian School, and is saving to go to grad school. She has been a wonderful, happy, lay-the-smack-down-on-my-kids-addition to our family. Some of the things that Anna and I like to do together are: working out at our gym and watching CSI together.

Victoria Grace is my actual daughter; she's unbelievably cute, very thoughtful and wicked funny! She's 13 and enjoys taking pictures, laughing with her friends and leaving lights on. Some of the things she and I like to do together are shopping at the mall (Hollister of course) and getting our hair done by the fabulous Megan Jones at Austin Charles Salon.